Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
