Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
