I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
