just tell him i said nine months
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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