A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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