i dont even know how to be here
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
