guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
