I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
