Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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