I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
