People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
