the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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