never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
