Jerry, you need to find god
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
