You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
