i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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