i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
