I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
