I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
