Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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