Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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