allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
