Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
