Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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