Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
