Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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