my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
