Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
