PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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