My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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