This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
