return my video game
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
