Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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