Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
