She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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