my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
