He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
