wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
