Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
