hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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