It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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