Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
whose parrot is this?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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