New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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