his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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