i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
