put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
