He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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