Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
