In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
