Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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