do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
