I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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